Administratium

Investigators at a major research institution have recently
discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling
new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an
atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125
assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded
by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it an be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to
complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three
years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization
in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and
assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an
Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time,
since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons, forming new isodopes. This characteristic of
moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that
Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
the "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.

(Author unknown ... kindly sent to me by John Emery)